What if……


What if I’m not the expert in anything?  What if I don’t have a special gift to offer the world?  What if I’m just a simple girl who wants to work about 25-30 hours a week doing something useful and helpful for others, that wants to have a pretty house and create and cultivate beauty, who wants to take care of her and her family’s health and be helpful to friends, who wants to eat real food, breathe clean air, and get out in nature daily?  What if I’m a girl who enjoys writing in a journal and meditating, who loves to be around people who care about being their best, who enjoys reading a good book and learning new things, and who will do just about anything for her kids; who loves to exercise, dance, and move – though limited; who enjoys music, theater, museums, and marveling at artistic endeavors, who loves to travel but is limited by money, who enjoys taking photos – though is no photographer- of the simple beauty that graces her everyday existence?  What if there is nothing really special about me besides me being inherently special because I’m a child of God?  What if I’m not outstanding?  What if I’m good at many things but not great at anything?  What if I don’t write a book, or create, facilitate, and fill a workshop, or do a Ted Talk?  What if I don’t make more than ___ a year, what if I don’t get a face lift, eye tuck, a lip enhancement, or undergo some age defying regime?  What if I don’t contribute more– to the community, to the poor, to the world’s numerous problems; what if I don’t cure the sick, or make the haters learn to love? What if I don’t try and sell anyone anything? What if I’m a coach that doesn’t guarantee that I will make someone be this, do that, feel this, believe that, accomplish this, find that, lose that, gain that, become this, be more like that, succeed at that, and who can’t make someone richer, prettier, stronger, more resilient, more focused, more clear, more, more, more, or less, less, less?!  What if I don’t want to hustle to make a living; what if I gave up the social media that tells me whether what I do or post is liked or not, whether my page got hits and how many, and what if I didn’t measure my self-worth, value and my confidence by the number of followers, the success of my business, or even the success of my kids?  What if this IS my bigger game?  What if I don’t leave a fascinating legacy?  Does that mean I matter less?  Does my matter take up less space, weigh less or is less dense separate from the usual physical height and weight measurements just because I didn’t cure cancer or do something ingenious?  What if this is it?  What if this is all I AM?  Is this a version of selling out and giving up or is this a version of acceptance and freedom?  What if this is really about living owning my truth and fully accepting that I AM OK just as I AM; that I don’t need to be improved, and I don’t need another degree, and that I can want what I want and I may not even get it–and that’s OK?  We are taught to want more and taught to MEASURE everything and to value those measurements.  And, depending on how we show up on some paper-electronic or otherwise- from the status of our grades, the prestige of the institutions we are educated by or work for, the letters after our names, the weight on the scale, and to the money in our bank account, we are often judged and our worth is thereby largely determined.  There is a concept of being ‘right sized’ when it comes to living our lives and to be ‘right sized’ is about finding the balance between the pillars of grandiosity and of devaluing our lives. We’re fortunate if we are able to find that place. In the book “The Great Work of Your Life”, Stephen Cope describes the life of Henry David Thoreau and how he found his ‘right size’ at Walden. Thoreau had ventured to New York looking for a larger life of more fame, more glamour and to produce great(er) work only to find that his best and truest work was revealed and exposed in the smaller life upon his return to Concord. What if where I am right now is right sized for me?  What if it is in accepting this ‘right size’ that I strive less and live more?  What would my living more and striving less look like and would it render me more valuable-to myself as well as to others?  Would I matter more? That’s a tough call for this recovering control, achievement, and validation seeking addict.  It’s worth the experiment, I suppose.  What if…..?

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